


Sheerluck Ace and the (mis)Adventure of the Dressing Room Robbery

by orphan_account



Category: Gorillaz, Powerpuff Girls
Genre: Ace is a good friend of theirs but isn't part of the band yet, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Backstage, Comedy, Cussing, Detectives, Gen, Mystery, Noodle also questions her identity and stuff, Phase Four (Gorillaz), Swearing, basically Ace and 2-D being woefully incompetent, basically all over the place, this is all very light-hearted and jokey. none of this is particularly serious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21863815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A peculiar crime occurs – with Noodle at the centre of it.  While she tries to make sense of what's happened, her friend Ace Copular throws himself into solving the mystery, with Noodle's enthusiastic bandmate 2-D attempting to assist him with his 'enquiries'.  But detective work is hard; so is drawing up a list of potential suspects that isn't just Murdoc.  Will 2-D and Ace crack the case before things can get even weirder?
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So something weird happens to Noodle to set up the main event. I'm saying this now because I don't want it to pass later without being acknowledged now. Rest assured that there's nothing untoward involved. It happens to her because it sets up the whodunnit culprit and their execution of the crime; once we get to the finale, it should make sense. (And it's the jumping-off point for Noodle's own arc here.)
> 
> Other than that, nothing worth highlighting. There's nothing very dramatic; this is all very chill and light-hearted in the main. We also got cusses galore (it's Gorillaz, with Murdoc and Ace interacting with each other); there's also a reference to some crude Stu behaviour while drunk, so this is just edging being rated Mature.
> 
> (And this is also taken slightly from a Gorillaz song! This time, it's We Got The Power. This one's a multi-parter though, so I'm keeping it distinct from the Harmonic World series.)

The O2; North Greenwich, London; 2017.  
  
Gorillaz are preparing for a knockout gig – the first of two shows in London as part of their Humanz tour.  
  
"Hey, Noods – uno problemo. Jehnny Beth can't sing We Got The Power tonight. She's got a virus. Please could you do the vocals for that track?”  
  
"Sure, OK Russ. Can Jeff cover the guitar?"  
  
"Jeff? Who's Jeff?" Beside her, Gorillaz's lead singer and blue-haired idiot keyboardist 2-D was staring at her with his head cocked on one side.  
  
"Jeff Wootton."  
  
He gaped at her blankly. Noodle rolled her eyes and sighed.  
  
"He's our backing guitarist, 2-D."  
  
"Oh, yeh. Right."  
  
"Spiky hair."  
  
"Yeh."  
  
"You have no idea who I mean, do you?"  
  
"No, I do...actually right I don't."  
  
Murdoc pointed. "Over there, you bloody blue-haired tin-opener."  
  
"Ah. Right. Fanks."  
  
Noodle smiled at 2-D. She didn't mind his foibles; he was like a big brother to her.  
  
"Anyway, I believe the answer Noods was requesting was yes." Russel's drawl from behind reminded them of what they were supposed to be talking about anyway.  
  
"Is it all right if we run-through it at soundcheck? Just to check I've got all the lyrics down OK. Oh, and can I sing 'お互いを愛する力があります' instead of 'on a le pouvoir de s'aimer, OK?'"  
  
"Sure, that sounds neat. As long as you can fit all that in," the drummer smiled.  
  
Within minutes – at the O2 stage, about to be flooded by hundreds of punters - Gorillaz were powering through the number; and Noodle was right in front.  
“AND WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE, JUST YOU AND I! DON'T TRY TO RESCUE ME, I DON'T NEED TO BE RESCUED...”

* * *

“So basically: you need to be rescued.”  
  
Noodle hit Murdoc with a glare so hard that the slimy-skinned bassist actually reached into his jacket to check that none of his ribs had been broken. Then the guitarist softened, and leaned back in her chair (well, not that she had much choice anyway). A smirk stole across her cheeks; she couldn’t help but be amused by the irony of the situation, however hard she tried for the contrary. Of course she – the former child supersoldier and martial arts extraordinaire – was tied to a chair in her dressing room. Of course this had happened to her. Of course it had.  
  
“Oh, OK, sorry, bad joke poppet. But what the hell happened here?”  
  
She shrugged; as best as you can with your hands bound behind you. Noodle thought she'd made a pretty decent fist of it. “I literally have no clue. I was in here, doing stuff…I was awake. And then I guess I must’ve been no longer awake. I woke up here.”  
  
“What did they take?”  
  
“My phone is gone. Apart from that, nothing. Literally nothing.”  
  
Murdoc’s bemused confusion was clear from the fact that he was no longer fretting imaginary bass strings on his left trouser pocket. “That’s…very strange.”  
  
He paused.  
  
“Very strange.”  
  
Noodle stomped her roped feet on the floor. “Well, come on then! Untie me, genius.”  
  
“Oh yeah.” He rushed over to her and set about the ropes. “This is really fucking weird. Wait…”…a smirk…”this isn’t one of your funny Japanese things is it?”  
  
Although Murdoc was behind her, he felt the look. He paused, and fingered his collarbone, checking it hadn't been broken. 

“Yeah, no, sorry.”

He freed her hands and shifted round on his knees, shuffling in a way that was somewhat childlike. Then he seemed to age again. As he moved, he spoke:

“So they just came in, tied you up and stole your phone?”  
  
“Seems like it.”  
  
“That’s fucking peculiar.”  
  
Noodle was amply aware of this. “Congratulations, Detective Inspector Fuckwit. You’ve solved the mystery. Well done. Have a gold star.” She and Murdoc both relished in sarcasm, and she’d inherited a mean streak of it from the bassist. It served her well in situations like these – wait, like 'these'? _This_ sitch felt pretty new….  
  
The ropes fell from her torso, and Noodle was able to bend down and untie her ankles. She undid them much quicker then Murdoc’s fumbling, liquor-stricken hands could manage.  
  
“You OK poppet?”

“Yeah, thanks Muds."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, yeah."

He hugged her very tightly.

"Muds, I'm OK...really..."

"OK?" He nodded to himself. "OK. But when I find who did this I'm going to tear them to shreds and then I'll fucking do it to them again." A pause - "Wait, how did they even manage to tie you up? I mean you're Noodle-"  
  
"I have my good friend Alcohol to thank for that". Noodle spoke with ironic cheer. "I drank a little too much last night. And then fell asleep, I guess. I don't know how I didn't wake when I got moved, though."  
  
"You did nothing wrong, poppet." He'd noticed the self-reproach in her speech, blaming herself for not waking. Examples of tact such as this were why Noodle was inclined to look upon Murdoc as a Dad again, rather than a disorderly uncle. "This shouldn't have happened to you."  
  
Noodle bridged the uneasy pause that followed - as Murdoc soaked up his own feelings of guilt and responsibility - by laying her hand on his shoulder. "Yeah..." Then she broke off the gap with a wisecrack. "Shame you came in when you did, though. One more minute and I think I'd have freed my left hand." She smiled, a little uneasily. "Where are the others?" Murdoc was gesturing into the corridor towards the kitchen when Russel wheeled round into the dressing room rather excitedly. "Good morning, you two misdemeaning miscreants. You gotta follow me. Something happened last night. It's quite funny.  
  
"No it bloody isn't." Murdoc was riled immediately.  
  
"No, trust me Muds. You gotta see this."  
  


* * *

  
"HAHAHAHAHA HE FUCKING GOT ARRESTED AGAIN" Murdoc pointed.  
  
"'S'not funny." If Noodle had drunk a lot last night, then it wasn't a patch on Stuart '2-D' Pot's intake. The issue was that Stu couldn't handle his alcohol. He staggered over to argue with Murdoc but, before he reached the bars, tilted around clutching his head.  
"Fuuuuuuck me."  
  
Meanwhile, Noodle and Russel were talking in hushed tones; the latter's amusement had evaporated away. Russ spoke fretfully; his agitation was at odds with Noodle's tired, calmer timbre. It was while Stu was led out of his cell for some administration prior to release that Noodle chose to report the theft of her phone.  
  
"But why the fuck didn't you tell them everything else?" Russ shouted from the driver's seat as they drove back from the police station.  
  
"Because the media would know. The tabloids would find out immediately."  
  
"FUCK the tabloids, Noodle. They're already saying that Murdoc is in a relationship with no less than seven different celebrities, one of whom is me."  
  
"So six celebrities then?"  
  
Russel rolled his eyes at Murdoc. "Yeah this is the last time I'm letting you sit in the front."  
  
"All right, sorry, sorry."  
A pause.  
"I totally would, though."  
  
"PLEASE don't make today even weirder for me" Noodle spoke pseudo-plaintively. "I literally woke up tied to a chair, Stu got arrested for humping the whale skeleton at the Natural History Museum," (Murdoc let out a prodigious cackle) "and now my dad is flirting with my other dad" (the cackling stopped).  
  
"If they're your dads, then wot am I, then?"  
  
"Awh, Stu. You're like my big sister."  
  
"Ah. Right." He went back to sleeping on her.  
  
"Which brings us back to the topic at hand: You need to be safe." Russel backed the vehicle into the arena car park.  
  
"I'll be fine, Russ. I can take them."  
  
"And what if you can't? I mean sure you could take them, but what if you're incapacitated?"  
  
"Then I'll take them." Murdoc stared straight forward. His voice was toneless.  
  
"Yeah, an' me too." 2-D threw a couple of drunken punches into the air. He knocked one fist on the car ceiling. "Ow."  
  
"I'm so sorry this happened to you...we should've been better" Russ continued anxiously. "I'd never have forgiven myself if you'd been harmed. You sure you could take them, Noodle?"  
  
"Positive. If they come again, I'll be ready this time. But then," she paused, "it's statistically less likely to happen to me now that it's happened, right?"  
  
There was another brief pause.

Murdoc broke the silence.

"You're lucky they don't allow photos at the Natural History Museum, faceache!"

Then he burst out laughing again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The turns table.

"That's just so fucking weird."  
  
"We know, Acey."  
"That's what everyone said."  
Murdoc was sprawled out on a black leather armchair, and Noodle was leaning on the counter by the TV, slowly reviving herself with a mug. Ace had been sitting cross-legged and back-leaning on the settee, but reflecting on events induced him to sit up and stroke his chin.  
  
"It's curious. Very interesting..."  
  
He jumped up and started to pace the room.  
  
"This is hella strange. If they wanted to swipe Noodle's phone they could've just walked in there and taken it. Why'd they have to tie you? It seems contrived."  
  
A pause.  
  
"Ruuuuling out the possibility of something...we don't want to talk about," continued Ace, "then it seems they'd've wanted to keep you in the place you were. Maybe it's because they knew you'd fight if you could. So they tied you up and THEN they stole the phone. Except that seems like a lot of trouble to go to for a phone, and you didn't stir anyway. Maybe they wanted to rob the rest of backstage and didn't want you to call the cops - but then they had to go, leaving you there."  
  
"But why would they leave?" Russel was now at the door.  
  
"Well, maybe a police car drove past and they heard the sirens, or some shit. That's possible."  
  
"Would they have gone immediately, though?" Russ was sceptical.  
  
"Maybe not. But there might be another explanation. What I just don't get is why more stuff wasn't stolen. What do you think, Noodle?"  
  
The whole room turned.  
  
Noodle's behaviour had initially surprised Russel; now, however, he considered it, it seemed entirely characteristic of her to respond to the incident with a kind of sardonic bemusement rather than rage or fear. She seemed slightly detached; Russ expected that this condition served to mask other feelings; chiefly self-castigation and doubt over the strength of her own spirit. After all, he knew her bold, feisty and vital nature - coupled with her martial arts know-how - to be a central part of her identity; to see the whirlwind quelled felt unnatural. What endured with Noodle was a pervasive sense of defeat, and consequent doubt in her own identity; she covered this with her ironic attitude. Russel could only guess at fragments of her inner mechanics, but managed to piece together her embarrassment and acid tongue-in-cheek.  
  
"I don't know what the fuck happened or who did it. I just know that we've got another show here tonight to prepare for, so we'd better get on with it."  
  
"Sure, OK Noodle. But there's something very fucking fishy about this. Normal theft? Just report it missing - but since when did burglars tie up a dame? You wouldn't if you were mugging someone, would you?"  
  
From his more open, questioning position, he became slightly doubtful, and bent over his head to Murdoc and spoke in his ear.  
  
"Wh...would you?"  
  
"No."  
  
Ace resumed his previous posture; the confidence marginally diluted.  
"No! You wouldn't. No."  
  
Everyone stared around wearily and blankly for a moment.  
  
Ace then gained a new look of determination.  
"Anyway, something is very wrong here. This is no ordinary robbery - and I am gonna be the one to get to the bottom of it."  
  
"Who died and made you Scooby fucking Doo?" Murdoc spat out his cigarette in a burst of harsh, raucous laughter.  
  
"I'm just sayin'...I've picked up a few bits of info down the years. I think I know how to crack a case."  
He began to grin.  
  
"You're an idiot", Noodle informed him, "but an amusing one. Good luck with the case, CSI North Greenwich. But I'm telling you it's a futile endeavour."  
  
Murdoc, by now, was in absolute fits. He tossed his mate a torch he'd tucked away in his pocket. "Here Ace, and take 2-D with you! You two can be fucking Tintin and Snowy!"  
  
"If it gets him out of your hair for a while then sure" was Ace's cheerful reply. "Except you've got no idea what good hair looks like."  
  
"True! I have to look at you for a start."  
The two loved these little insult sparring matches, all being in good jest. Murdoc was impressed by his own quickness, and failed to suppress a smile.  
  
"Yeah, well your hair's getting a little long. Next time you go to the barber's, ask him to use a smaller bowl."

A more genuine smile finally spread over Noodle's cheeks at the barb.  
  
"Whatever, green guy" was Murdoc's retort. Ace took this as acknowledgement that he'd won the exchange, and blew a kiss at Murdoc as he left the room.  
  
"See you, squirrel pubes" Murdoc guffawed after him. Russel raised a quizzical brow.  
  
"Do squirrels even have those?"  
  
"Erm, uh...depends what kind, mate."  
  
"Great. You've managed it. You've made it the weirdest day ever. Now, I'm going to go and...do stuff." Noodle wasn't sure what, mind.  
  
"Enjoy your 'stuff!'" Russ's laughter followed Noodle out of the room.

* * *

As Noodle stood outside the green room - Russ had dubbed it "backstage central" - she wondered what she WAS going to do. The guitarist was still somewhat dazed, and the caffeine would take a while to kick in.  
  
Without anything else to do, Noodle turned to the mirror she was standing in front of. She'd put her hair up in bunches before the previous night's gig; she now undid them and played about with her hair absent-mindedly. It was a frustrating exercise; when she pushed it to the side, the last night's central parting reasserted itself.  
"Maybe I should just shave my head. I mean, it's not like I haven't done it before, but I was 9 then. Wait, 9? Or was it-"  
  
A couple of minutes later, Noodle shook herself from whatever train of thought she'd got caught up in and dragged herself downstairs to her dressing room.  
  
Might as well help the boys with their inquiries.

* * *

"OK, 2-D. Read the suspects board across to me again."  
  
"OK, er, um..."  
  
There was a slight pause as 2-D focused his remaining braincells on the task at hand. The singer's brow furrowed with immense concentration – as if he were preparing to intone a centuries-old incantation. Then he spoke as he read:  
  
"Mur-doc."  
  
...  
  
"That's it."  
  
"Seriously? Is our only suspect still Murdoc?" Ace frowned. "Man, detective work is tiring. I could use a beer right now."  
  
"Same here."  
  
"But seriously...Murdoc? He's all we got?"  
  
Pause.  
  
"I don't think it was him."  
  
"Yeah, but Ace, who else could have done it?"  
  
"I don't know. But it doesn't seem like the type of thing Murdy would do. After all, he found Noodle. He'd scarcely be the kinda guy to cover up for his own actions like that."  
  
"Maybe he was drunk, and forgot he did it."  
  
"Murdoc's been drunk almost continuously since 2006. He's not that unpredictable."  
  
"Could've still done it, though."  
  
"Maybe. We'll...keep him on the list so far." Ace was furtive as he said that – as if Murdoc might be listening through the door. 2-D even checked the corridor; it was clear.  
  
"Who else? Can you think of anyone, 2-D?"  
  
"Well, there's...um, er, um..." (the furrowed brow became the Grand Canyon under the sheer pressure of 2-D's intense, deliberate consideration) "uh, Doctor Weasel? Wurzel? That guy. Or um, er...one of the musicians? Um, Dennis Hewlett? The camera guy? No. Um, uh, Jamon? Damien? Damon! Damon Albarn. Wait, no. Um..."  
  
Ace stared into the window, contemplating the meaning behind existence.  
  
2-D continued. "Peven Peverett? Kali, um, um-"  
  
"Uchis."  
  
"Kali Uchis? De La De Soul? Uh- Small Simz? No, um - hey, what about Cyborg Noodle?"  
  
"Cyborg Noodle?"  
  
"Yeah...the robot version of her Murdoc built."  
  
Ace was nonplussed. "2-D, is this a dream you had?"  
  
"Maybe. Can't remember." He continued. "Um...Vince Staples? Mavis Staples? One of the choir singers – Rebecca maybe? Um..."  
  
"Heyyy," - Ace snapped his fingers - "what about Russel? What if he was possessed again?"  
  
"Wot? Russel?"  
  
"Yeah, maybe...I'nt know, could y'ask him?"  
  
"Wot? Just go up to him and be like 'Oh hi Russel, how are you? I was just wondering: are you possessed?'"  
  
"Yeah." A grin started to light itself on Ace's face.  
  
"He'd belt me across the kitchenette."  
  
"It'd be funny, though."

"I dunno..."

2-D started to go, but was forced to stop again when Noodle swung into the dressing room, holding on to the doorframe. "How's it going, Ace? Have you identified who deprived me of my precious, precious phone?"

"Not quite yet."

"Well, how are things going?"

Ace turned and looked around the room. 2-D was sitting on the counter scrolling through his _own_ phone, away in his own little world.

"It's, erm, fine! Going fine."

"Oh, what's that?" She didn't need to point at the board; she used her eyes.

"Oh, it's, uh-"  
  
"I did that!" 2-D announced gleefully; like an infant excited to show off their macaroni art.

"It's just a board. With 'Murdoc' and 'Dennis Hewle-' - 'Dennis'? his name's not Dennis, it's Den _holm_ – with 'Dennis Hewlett' written on it in purple Sharpie."

"Shit, Sharpie is permanent, right?" Ace was suddenly concerned.

"Well, you're the detective! I'm sure you can tell me that for yourself."

Pause.

"Oh shit." Noodle stirred, and pointed at something. "Is that lipstick on the chair?"

"What - lipstick?"

"Yeah. That red smear on the side."

"Yeah... Yeah it is. Hey, that's a clue! Hey, Stu, look at this!"

Stuart Pot ferreted over.

"Oh wow! Lipstick!" He rubbed his finger in it and smeared it on his nose; the singer also thought about doing it to Ace, but reconsidered on the basis that he could cut himself.

Noodle smiled, and cleared her throat expectantly.  
"Thank you" Ace replied.  
"My pleasure. Unless they're smart enough to bluff us, this rules out most men."  
  
Another pause.

"Except for Murdoc."

Ace sniggered. Noodle was planning to leave the room after that joke, but 2-D turned to her puppyishly.

"Where was your phone, Noodle?" inquired 2-D.   
  
"It was in my pocket - the right one. In my bomber-"  
  
"Oh, so you found it then?" Ace asked her.  
  
"No, I'm telling you where it last was."  
  
"But I fawt you'd found it."  
  
"No, 2-D. I haven't."  
  
He shrugged.

"'Tha's odd. You posted on Instagram just now."


End file.
